Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's never too late to be topless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
