He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
