wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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