She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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