i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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