I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
