Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
