I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
