Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
