i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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