dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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