I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
