i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
