im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
