I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
