from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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