i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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