I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
