are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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