Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
