Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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