I need help removing her.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
