he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
