I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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