i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
