drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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