There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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