Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
