He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
