If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
