did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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