Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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