C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
