yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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