Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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