oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
