I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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