wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
