omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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