i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
