dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
