i dont even know how to be here
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dear god my vagina.
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