i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The power of my boobs compel you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
