then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
