someone threw a dead crab at me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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