Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
