Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
