Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
