I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
