you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
