I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
