Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
